Dear Weak Ashley,
I get it. You're dying for a piece of candy. Maybe it's not the candy (or the pastries, or whatever), maybe you're bored, you're hungry, you're tired of thinking about the candy all day and you're just saying screw it. One bite, one piece, one serving/helping, and then I'm done, I'll go to the gym, I'll go home for the night, I'm still on track.
This is absolutely the stupidest reason imaginable to throw yourself off track, feel disappointed in yourself and your lack of self-control, give yourself a belly you'll have to work off for four days, screw up the carb deficit that I work hard every single day to create, feel cranky, avoid plans with friends or your boyfriend, dread the weekend, add stress to your already stressful life, etc. Remember, you never get bored of accidentally discovering how slim you are, whether it's in the fitting room, when lining up progress pictures, in the locker room at the gym, when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a window as you walk down the street, when someone calls you "slim" or "toned" or "fit". THOSE THINGS never get boring. Focus on how fun and exciting that part of the process is and ignore the rest. For my sake.
Go drink four glasses of water right now. Back? OK. Are you still hungry? If so, email someone you can confide in. Or eat a bar, or go microwave some broccoli. You know that will fill you up and do good things for your body and your goals. You don't want the broccoli? Then you're not hungry.
You're saying "Screw it."
If you want to quit this journey, decide to quit and then you can eat pizza and drink beer every night. You can go out with your friends and eat hors d'oeuvres all night long. You won't feel good, but at least you'll be free.
So ... is it the freedom that you really want? No. You're having a momentary lapse. Well, think about me. The one who batch cooks on Sunday night, the one with abs, the one who's going to stand up on stage in front of 10,000 people and turn her back and stick out her butt. I'm the one who feels awesome in her clothes, the one who prances around the gym like she owns the place, the one who drags herself out of bed to do fasting cardio, the one who inspires her family, and friends. Think about what you're doing to ME, Strong Ashley, when you let a momentary "oh f*ck it" overtake and overcome all of the hard work I put in every single day, every time I go to a bar and wave off the waiter when he asks what I want to drink, every time I skillfully assemble a healthy, trap-free meal at a restaurant while everyone else orders fries and a third (or fourth ...) beer or regular Coke.
And you know very well there's no such thing as "Just One Bite."
Every single time you tell yourself you can handle having one taste of something, you're wrong. Is it because you're literally powerless in the face of sugar, is your insulin really swinging that hard that you cannot resist? You know that you have a ton of self control. EVEN YOU (I obviously do). This isn't about saying no; by the time you've had the first bite of sugar, you've given UP on saying no. You're saying "yes," and you will continue to do so until it's time to go home or there is no more freaking candy left in the bowl (did you REALLY want a Mounds yesterday? They're VILE!) So don't ever let yourself cross over into saying "yes" to junk. Say "NO"!!
A message from me to you.
I love you (even though you're the weak version of me) because we're the same person. You have a ton to be proud of and you should love the process and love how far you've come. You can go even farther, and you'll be around less and less as time passes, you won't have to read this letter as often. You are strong inside, this is only temporary, and it will pass. Now go get a cup of water and get back to kicking ass.
P.S. I'll be back tomorrow morning when you wake up
Ashley is in the process of entering the Texas Shredder on April 13th
Week one progress. Most of what I lost was water retention :) Week 1- I was at 131.8 and week 2- I was at 127.